My Healing Journey: The Unknown Quest

A metaphor for my healing journey

Photo Credit: Ahmad Kadhim (Unsplash)

Ten years ago, I set off on a journey with an idea of what I wanted – to be ‘fixed’. There wasn’t a map or manual to follow but I had this idea that maybe it was like going to a physical destination, like going on a plane to somewhere new and magical. Where miracles happen and people return all happy and sparkly new, ready to carry on with the rest of their lives. The thing was, I tried to set upon this journey several times but fear rose up within me and told me to stay put until I found out what would happen when I got ‘there’. The fear of the unknown kept me frozen. Frozen within my mental prison of self-loathing desolation.

One day, seeing someone else’s courage to face their fear sparked something inside me – it was the accumulation of all the previous attempts that were now enough to move me forward towards action. I didn’t know where this destination was, but I packed a bag with a few things that I thought may help on my journey. I was heading outside of my comfort zone. I came to learn that the fear of being outside my comfort zone was a sign that the undulating path would be worth it and I would become a different version of myself by the time I got there.

The question is, where is ‘there’?

I started the physical journey to find ‘healing’ – the elusive grand destination. That path led me not to a geographical location outside of myself, but actually, I realised the only way through was inwards. The healing journey was about the inner quest – truly seeing what was inside and who I really was. Learning to love all parts of myself. The parts that I previously thought were unlovable. So, I closed my eyes and I tapped into that part of myself that just knew – I felt it in my body.

That’s when I realised it’s not about having the perfect map to tell you where to go, but instead it’s about trusting in the unknown and allowing the journey to take you where you need to be – because there’s a part of us that always knows. To know that life is about being curious; curious about the unknown and allowing the magic to be revealed to us instead of trying to control the outcome.

We just need to be brave enough to take the journey and leap into the unknown and to believe that we have everything we need inside of us.

What I did find along my journey was self-belief, self-love and hope for the future. A future without fear of raw painful emotions falling out. The inner quest doesn’t end in a final destination. The quest is forever unfolding and evolving because I am always growing and changing and that’s okay. I am becoming – becoming whole because I realise I was never broken. I am reclaiming the pieces of me that were wrongfully taken.

I chose myself – I chose self-worth.

Stacie Glass - an excerpt from my book 'Life after Sexual Abuse: A Practical Healing Toolkit to Reconnect Mind, Body & Soul'